Sunday, March 25, 2007

On Being A Natural

For some, being an alpha male, and attracting women, comes naturally. For others, this may be out of our “natural grasp.” However, by employing the right meta-frame, it is possible to develop the skills that will enhance your status as an alpha male and your ability to attract women.

This article will distinguish between the two different mindsets, identify the right frame-set in order to develop skills that others would deem “natural” or “God-given," and show you how to apply to your personal development.


Having the right frame-set is critical in your Development. In fact, it actually could preclude you from developing yourself at all, if you do not inhabit the correct frame-set.

In order to achieve success in life and to develop yourself, you will need to change the way you view talents, abilities and intelligence. You will need to change the way you view yourself, your potential, and your development.

In order to reach your greatest potential, you will need to view your talents and abilities as malleable skills that can be developed, rather than "gifts" that have been naturally bestowed upon you. This would extend to those areas that are typically viewed as “God-given” talents or abilities, such as attractiveness, intelligence, and physical ability.


Carol Dweck discusses this concept in her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, in trying to determine why some people try harder than others. She delineates between two groups of people, those who exhibit a “Fixed Mindset” versus those with a “Growth Mindset”.

People who felt that ability and intelligence were something you were born with were of the Fixed Mindset. Those who viewed their ability and intelligence as something they could develop exhibited the Growth Mindset.

She posits that the Fixed Mindset individual is less likely to work to develop their abilities, while the Growth Mindset individual was more likely to make a greater effort in order to develop their skills.

She argues that if you view your skills and abilities as bestowed upon you by some divine entity, where you’re either born with IT or you’re not, then you are less likely to exert effort to develop that skill. Additionally, when confronted with adversity, the person with the Fixed Mindset would be less persistent than the Growth Mindset person.

Marina Krakovsky discusses Dweck’s book and the concepts therein, in her article, The Effort Effect, which appeared in the Stanford Alumni Journal. In the article she uses the example of Dweck’s work with the Blackburn Rovers Football Club (they really play Soccer and not Football, but I digress), to illustrate Dweck’s theories.

Dweck was called on to work with the Rovers Soccer club, where many of the players felt that they didn’t need to practice or that if they did practice or work hard that it was an admission of their own lack of talent. Not only were they not practicing, because they felt that their abilities were natural or “God-given”, but by practicing they were diminishing their own egos. (egolessness)

With a fixed mindset, where talent is divined rather than developed, these talents become a part of the ego. The fixed mindset will seek out only those opportunities where it feels that it can be successful, in order to avoid failures which might be injurious to the ego. When they are not successful right away in a new endeavor, they will be more likely to throw in the towel at any sign of adversity, because they will assume that they were not bestowed with that particular ability.

The distinction between hard work and natural talent is made early in life and often by well meaning parents and/or educators. Often you will hear that a child is “naturally bright” or “gifted”, while another makes up for their lack of ability by being “hard working.” Thereby, hard work and natural talent are ideologically opposed. This is a disservice to both parties, as one now feels no control over their talent, while the other feels intellectually diminished. The cruelest irony reserved for the naturally gifted student who doesn’t need to work hard, and as a result never actually seeks to develop their “God-given” talent.

If a naturally gifted child with a fixed mindset found themselves having to work harder at some future juncture, they would feel less gifted. Hard work would be necessary to compensate for their lack of talent. But with a fixed mindset, a “good work ethic” would be something you were born with, and the necessity for hard work would be attacking their ego. Rather than attempting things outside the scope of their perceived abilities, often fixed mindsets will simply not try, thereby demonstrating their abilities only when they feel comfortable.

For instance, the child that has been convinced that they are “good at Math naturally,” either by parents, educators, themselves or any such combination, will give up on a difficult Math problem more quickly, citing their lack of natural ability. (perception of self and how it is influenced by others) Whereas the child with the Growth Mindset, will view the difficult problem as a challenge, a way for them to develop their skills and will be less inclined to give up on the problem.


In order to develop yourself, you will have to take on Dweck’s Growth Mindset. You will have to open yourself up to the idea that your abilities are not predetermined and that you can exact positive change in your life, even in areas that are assumed to be “God Given.” You will need to see your potential as limitless, and held back only by yourself (personal responsibility, self empowerment). You will need to embrace the concept that failures are your own, and not the result of anyone else’s efforts. You will need to understand that failure is a natural part of growing and learning, and is not to be feared.


Many mistakenly hold the view that being an Alpha Male or Ladies’ Man, only comes naturally to those fortunate to have it bestowed upon them. While for some it does indeed come naturally, there are others for whom it does not. However, as Dweck would suggest and this website agrees, you can develop these skills. In developing yourself, you will find that the things that you’ve always wanted will come your way, once you begin to apply these lessons and exercises.

In order to engage on being more attractive, see How to Instantly Be More Attractive to Women, . This will immediately put you in a different light with women.

As men age, we actually have the ability to be more attractive to women. As we age, we develop more of the characteristics that are identified with manliness and not coincidentally that women find attractive. Particularly younger women.

You can easily place yourself in the more attractive category with women by simply taking care of yourself. By being more fashionable, wearing clothes that fit you and by being physically fit, you will surpass the majority of other men in physical attractiveness.

Women get the short end of the stick on this one. Their physical attractiveness wanes as they get older, as our society values those physical attributes in women associated with younger women. But as a man, by not getting the proverbial beer belly, wearing ironed shirts and nice shoes, and being well groomed, you can be viewed as more attractive despite your age.

For tips on how becoming a man in today’s ultra-feminized American society, you’ll need to continue referring to the Meninism website and blog.


For ways to develop yourself, you will need to be pushed outside your personal “green zone”, the area in which you feel safe and comfortable. This will mean taking on new activities that push you outside of the defined space that you now occupy. Most importantly, this will aid your personal development. Incidentally this will put you in the position to grow your social circle and in turn meet more potential marks.

Select some activities at which you are not currently proficient. The fact that you are not good at them at first will provide you with humility, which is always a good thing to be reminded, and of which you should not be fearful.

Not being good right away will provide you with challenges, which will at first provide opportunities for growth and later measurements for success.

All of this will lead to opportunities to develop your self - physically, mentally, intellectually, and spiritually, as well as a great way to meet people in a very relaxed atmosphere.

Physical – take up Running, Soccer, Tennis, Biking, Swimming, Martial Arts or Rock Climbing. Preferably you would play on a team where you do not know anyone. This will add a level of challenge socially, and increase your social circle.

Intellectual – take a class such as Cooking, on a Foreign Language, Wine Tasting, Dancing, Music Appreciation, or Film. You could read a book every week or two, or join or start a book club. There may be clubs or discussion groups that you could meet in outside your immediate circle of friends, which I would highly recommend.

Discussion and debate are a great way to solidify your ideas and thoughts on a particular subject. Additionally a rousing dialogue can be very invigorating. This is great for overcoming a fear of public speaking and learning to articulate your ideas aloud.

Spiritual – church, discussion groups, or books on religious subjects. Ideally these would not support your current beliefs. You should challenge yourself. Read the God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, the Koran, or take a Religious Studies course on World Religions or one religion in particular.

- bg

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