Now that we have clearly established our goals, the steps needed to achieve them, and the schedule that will deliver us, we must begin to provide the framework to reach the Level 5 - Metaframe.
The discipline of one’s emotions is critical, but is actually a practical application of the real discipline necessary to achieve the proper Man frame. The discipline is in being desireless, egoless and experience Non-attachment.
What does it mean to be Desireless, Egoless and to experience Non-Attachment?
In order to be desireless, you cannot desire. You must not seek. When it comes to being the Man, you cannot seek women for approval or validation. You cannot let their acceptance or unacceptance of you affect your frame-of-mind.
Walk in to any bar, any where. Out of 100 women, 30-40 will have significant others and not be interested in you. Should you feel bad about this fact? Absolutely not.
Out of the remaining 60-70 women at the bar, another 30 don’t find you to be their type, or they’re just not looking to meet a guy that night. Let’s not even attempt to figure out why. Should you feel anything about yourself based on this fact? No.
That leaves you with about 30 women or so who would be open to meeting a guy such as yourself. And that’s plenty.
With that whittling down of prospective candidates, you can’t be upset because a women didn’t return your eye contact, wasn’t receptive to you when you opened her, or wasn’t feeling the Casting Call. Of course you can’t be upset...you have 30 potential women to feel good about.
Don’t be a smiling idiot, as that’s creepy. But remain positive. This goes hand in hand with being Desireless. In fact, being desireless will help you to remain positive. By not wanting to meet a certain girl, or get laid that night, if it doesn’t happen, it’s ok. It’s only when you grasp on to those desires, that you are disappointed.
A cynic could say, well if you don’t want anything, you’ll never be disappointed when you don’t get it. But they won’t ever get it, because in their hearts they really will have desired it.
In the end the Desireless Man will not want, as he will be provided for in both mind and in the physical world. Women will come to you when you don’t desire them.
The Tao of Steve is a subversive guy movie, all trannied-out as a chick flick. This calls on the Taoist principle of being Desireless, along with the notion of not chasing. This is a very important concept. You must never chase. In the movie, it is very simply put, “we pursue that which retreats from us.” We all want to have fun, be engaged, and get butterflies in our stomachs.
Groucho Marx and Woody Allen have similar funny sayings about how they would never want to be a part of a club that would have them as a member.
If you lay a string on a cat it won’t do anything but lay there. If you take that same string and keep it just out of the cat’s reach, that cat will go crazy trying to get it. Are you starting to get the picture? In your interactions with women, are you the cat or are you the string?
The importance of not chasing, or appearing eager, is that you don’t want to come across as desperate or needy. If you chase, you are doing what every other schmuck does that comes up to them. How have you set yourself apart?
Nobody wants someone that wants anyone. They want someone who can and will be discriminate. They want the prize to want them. Therefore, setting yourself up as the prize is key.
Need further proof? Ever been without a girlfriend and you can’t get a girl to sniff your pecker? And then damned if the second you get one, they’re coming around looking for a piece of you. Well you’ve just caught on to the principle of why women like certain guys.
Ever hear that women like guys with reputations, guys that they are inaccessible to them (boyfriends, husbands), or guys that are jerks? Well first off, they don’t like them, but they are definitely attracted to them.
ATTRACTION VS LIKE
What’s the difference between liking someone and attraction? Attraction is something that you can’t help. It’s like tapping in to their biological desires, their deep sociological hardwiring and their need to finally please daddy. Liking someone is a cognitive process. They’ll save that for the schmuck that they marry. I’m only kidding.
You can create that attraction in them by being Desireless. By communicating without explicitly stating, that you have options, that you do discriminate, that you are not needy, you will make yourself more desirable. Think back to those girls that sought you out. They robbed you of the chase and did you ever really like them as a result? Of course not. Maybe you banged them, but you certainly didn’t respect them.
EXERCISE 5 –
Talk to every woman you can whether she is young, old, hot, ugly, blond, brunette, someone you know or a complete stranger. Really talk to them. Be sincere. Listen and respond with questions about what they’re saying. Make sure to ask them more than talking yourself. Express an interest in another human being. Whatever you do, don’t ask her out, particularly if you know you will see her again. Leave her wondering why you didn’t and you’ve become the string to her cat.
If strangers prove daunting start with people you know. A great suggestion I’ve heard is talk with women who have to speak with you. Girls who work at malls, baristas, and bartenders. Have no agenda. Simply talk to them. Listen. The only organ you should be worried about working with women is your ears. They will tell you everything while telling you nothing. Sure they’re talking about Brangelina, but if you’re listening you will hear everything you need to know.
EXERCISE 6 -
Notice how you approach women differently. Try to approach them all the same no matter what. Be Desireless and stay in the moment. This way you will act like yourself all the time, no matter the situation or her degree of hotness.
Do not have an agenda, make sure to listen, respond to her in ways that let her know you are listening. By not having an end goal, you will loosen her up, make her more comfortable, show that you respect her as a human being and do not view her as chum. This environment will foster a desire for her to want to get to know you better.
ON THE DEVELOPMENT OF MYSELF
Some of you may be scratching your balls, wondering what the hell all this talk about women, has to do with being a MAN. Well I couldn't agree more with the necessity to ask that question.
Being a MAN isn't about how many chicks you pick up. The picking up of women is only one tangible outcome of these practices to help you develop.
Being desireless in life, will lead to greater happiness. You will live each moment more fully, appreciate people more, and enjoy greater fulfillment when you aren't looking to gain from everyone you meet. In fact, those hard fought things you took, will be given to you in greater quantity. Sounds cheesy, new-agey and counter-intuitive, but it's absolutely true.
Because you want material things, you suffer. They are not permanent. They are not important. Once you realize that your loved ones will not live forever, that their time here with you is finite, you will treasure them more. Time spent with them will be more precious. You will achieve focus in on the important things, and so many other distractions will fall to the wayside. Sports scores, celebrity couples, and reality television will not seem as important. The guy who cut you off in traffic, the seeming slight at work, or the girl who didn't seem interested will become irrelevant. There are bigger, more important things at stake. The fulfillment of your potential is one of them.