Monday, January 29, 2007

What Women Want

Ask them, and women will tell you they want a man who is kind, sensitive, ambitious, financially secure, responsible, mature and, for good measure, well-groomed/physically fit. Flip, then, through her scrapbook of exes and you’ll find a collection of photos that could double for a police station criminal album.

How, you wonder, could the sweet-natured, beautiful girl who covers her mouth when chewing her food and shifts uncomfortably during steamy movie scenes have dated so many tattooed club bouncers, malnourished guitar players and aspiring drug lords?

It is really not that complicated and men tend to give women the benefit of the doubt more than not. You see, women, despite protestations to the contrary, still want men to be men. Forget sensitive and emotionally available. A man is a man is a man. That means we spit, we’re rough, sexually aggressive, have hair on our chests and our balls and we’d sooner throw fists with someone making eyes at you than sit hand-in-hand on a therapist’s couch learning to be more, dare I say it, emotionally available.

Thing is, women would prefer it that way, too. Unfortunately for men, the feminist agenda has spread the notion that the more pussified a man is –that is, amenable to her whim and desire—the more desirable he is to the woman. Though the opposite is in fact true, men have eaten this up to their own detriment.

So you have this whole population of men now taking longer than women to get ready to go out, getting “manscaped”, learning to share feelings and be more emotional, tiptoeing over words or compliments lest they offend a chick or come across chauvinistic.

But remember, fellow men, actions speak louder than words. Most women still want the type of guy who is not afraid to let them know that to them they are, at times, a piece of meat to be devoured and enjoyed. If they are offended by that and you’re still with her, then grab your balls out of the Italian handbag you bought her, de-hyphenate your last name, you wimp, and begin asserting your rightful place as the man.

Ever hear this one from women so single and barren a Derby winner couldn’t knock them up? “I’m too picky. I’m too selective and refuse to settle. Most of the men I meet are jerks” This is a mantra used by women to put you on the defensive and make her look like the prize. Resist the urge to kowtow to this delusional spinster. Picky and/or selective women don’t describe their dating pool as “jerks,” because they don’t date jerks. Why? Because they’re picky, that’s why!! Next time a woman pulls this gem on you, reply with, “Picky, eh? Rate your last three boyfriends on a scale of 1 to 10.” If she’s anything most women, they’ll all fall woefully short of average. “Yeah, real picky.”

The fact is that women, for all their griping about loser exes and jerks they’ve dated, still want a man to be a man, which means, of course, if you want to get laid you have to be the jerk she complains about. Why? Because to women, jerk=man. Asshole=alpha-male. And, finally, “I’m just looking for a good guy”=”Why can’t I find a wimp that’ll do my bidding for me.” A different set of rules applies to men looking for more serious relationships. Still, mane of the same ideas apply if you want to keep a woman interested in you for the long haul.

Truth is, most women these days are good women, if severely misguided by the popular feminist ideology they’ve grown up on. They are torn, pulled in one direction by inexorable nature and their attraction to males who exhibit unequivocally male qualities; and in the other by their own self-hatred of this unexplainable attraction that is seemingly at odds with the feminist empowerment ideology that they themselves question.

The female empowerment movement, for all its original noble pursuits, has wrought pain and suffering among its female disciples. Millions of years of natural hardwiring and human evolution cannot be undone in 25 years, if ever. Nevertheless, the feminist agenda continues to wage a self-defeating battle whose futile end-goal (equality), it turns out, is not even in the interest of its followers.

What women want, as it turns out, is the same thing, oddly enough, that men want: For men to behave like guys and for women to be treated like ladies.


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