Thursday, April 5, 2007

More Man Card Violations

Violation of these rules may lead to swift revocation of your man card -

1) You don't talk about diets. Men are never under any circumstances to refer to being on a diet.

2) You must never drink diet tonic water. Besides it tastes like shit. And if you're gonna blow $10 and your diet (that you're not talking about!) on premium vodka, you might as well enjoy it.

3) Vegetarian just looks like it has the word vagina in it. You're a carnivore; deal with it. The only time you do not consume meat is during a cleansing fast.

4) Past the age of 25, movie posters on your wall, framed or not, is strictly forbade.

5) You may never use the phrase "If I won the lottery...", daydreaming is for girls about weddings.

6) You must never watch figure skating. That goes double if it's not competitive and is exhibition or the skaters have costumes on.

7) Learn to live more simply; take cold showers. Your ancient ancestors didn't have water heaters and they weren't pussies. If they were, you wouldn't be here. They didn't go without warm water so that their far-offspring would be a bunch of pansies.

8) If you must cook, cook only when there is an open flame. Baking is for women and the French.

Denial of earthly comforts is the key to understanding and appreciating ourselves and the world around us. Through abstinence, you will begin upon the path of enlightenment.

Comfort is the weakness that all humans seek. In order to be enlightened, you will need to deny comfort and weakness; seeking to develop yourself will lead to hardship and discomfort. Only through discomfort will growth come. Only through growth will enlightenment come.

- bg

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