The Importance of Traditional Gender Roles

Traditional Gender Roles are the fort that has been under siege since the beginning of Feminism’s war on all that is masculine. And what has Feminism wrought?

Feminism has created a generation of women who largely don’t know how to make a man feel like one, and a generation of men who cannot do the same for women.

I am not suggesting that women should earn less than men for the same job, or should be subject to domestic violence, raped by acquaintances or should have to take out the trash. What I am saying however, is that men should be decisive and be persons of action, not words; they shouldn’t cry and they most definitely should take out the trash.

Traditional Gender Roles have less to do with a division of the chores along traditionally “sexist” lines or even with efficiency in co-habitation. Rather it has to do with what we traditionally associate with Masculine or Feminine traits or behavior, and what we wish to project. One can cognitively reason with the silliness of this behavior, but it is undeniable that our concept of what is masculine and what is feminine is partially, if not mostly, a product of what we learned from what we saw growing up. One may be enlightened and yet still adhere to “traditional gender roles.”

The Masculine and the Feminine are not in opposition. One doesn’t win, while the other loses. Men were not worse off because women were earning their equal rights. Men were worse off because they were too small to deal with an equal. They could no longer control women and as a result they reacted violently, or they turned in their man cards so that they could be walked all over, thus doing everyone a disservice.

While traditional patriarchal roles have started to break down (a positive change), there has also been a movement towards the middle by men, who are now free to express themselves, and who now have a greater confusion as to what it means to be a man (a negative side effect). Now when you meet another couple it as likely that the man cooks as the woman does not, as it is that he has no ability to fix household items. Today’s woman will see nothing wrong and think nothing less of the man who prepares her dinner after a hard day’s work. However, she very well may think less of him if he doesn’t live up to his “manly” duties of fixing doorknobs, changing oil or protecting his family.

It is okay that men are expected to share more of the burden when it comes to rearing children and household chores, but they can not and must not shirk their duties as the “man” of the family, less they be degraded in the eyes of women. This is not an exchange of all that comes with “manliness,” for your enlightened attitude towards cleaning toilets.

Women in the Workplace

Women today rightfully insist upon providing for themselves, rather than living in indentured servitude. This after having watched a generation of men cheat on their mothers, leaving their mother-housewives with little recourse, without the financial ability to support themselves should they have chosen to opt out of the situation. They would stay in loveless marriages because they had no other option.

As women entered the workplace and gained financial independence, not coincidentally the following things happened: female infidelity rates rose and so did divorce rates. No longer pinned to bad marriages (read: bad men) and able to meet suitors in a work environment they previously didn’t have access to, women were now free and able to celebrate their sexuality.

Women and Feminists are not to blame for this change. However, with male sexuality and masculinity under siege, it is no wonder that a large percentage of men have retreated in to their shells unable to cope with an equal counterpart who has taken away some of the clearest indicators of manliness.

If men are no longer the breadwinners, and are no longer needed for protection from predatory animals or tribes…then what the hell are they good for? And how the hell do they prove their worthiness as men?

Society has taken away our need to be self-reliant, which is what defines a man.

Man found himself living in an abstract world, where he was no longer prized for his ability to provide, hunt and protect. Instead all his rough edges were filed down until all that was left were automated nubs, devoid of sexual characteristics who were taught to be afraid of their physicality and sexuality; what once distinguished them as masculine, now made them evil. Our virility vilified, we became impotent and gun shy.

We had been turned in to indistinguishable space monkeys, clacking away at computer keyboards, with our soft callous-free hands more likely to be manicured than black-and-blue from a misguided hammer; soft spongy flaccid handshakes replacing sandpaper-y meaty vise-grip ones.

Feminism was winning, and then Masculinity was lost. Rather than cede all power, men decided to slum in manicure shops, beauty aisles and hair salons. We grew up being told what women wanted from men: sensitivity and caring, a man in touch with his feelings. This, along with man’s lost status as sole provider and breadwinner, together with a protracted adolescence now stretching midway through one’s twenties as the result of increasing financial pressure on each subsequent generation, had created a generation of mama’s boys.

Now is the time for males to answer the call. Now is the time for these boys to start acting like men.

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What is Meninism?

Is it a movement? Is it a reaction to Feminism?

Meninism is indeed a movement. But Meninism is not a movement in the same way that Feminism was and continues to be.

While Feminism as a movement had its time, as of now the pendulum has swung too far the other way. This is common with any movement; once started it will serve its purpose and then inevitably it will go too far.

Meninism is a reaction not so much to Feminism, but to its bastard offspring, that is a feminized male populace, that in its effort to accommodate the desires of women has lost its own identity and has gone too far in its efforts to please and has now left women wondering, “where have all the real men gone?”

Where women started out desiring equality and fair treatment, they didn’t want to end up with men trying to meet them in the middle. As is the unintended consequence of what we ask for and think we want, women ended up with men who gladly handed over their balls thinking that was the way to make women happy and thus keep women from bothering them, so that they may drink beer and watch 250 channels of television in peace. The unintended consequences were men thinking it was okay to cry, acting as vain as women in “shopping for couture,” and stealing their girlfriend’s facial cleanser.

Meninism is about what it means to be a man in today’s world. Meninism is about the the things our fathers should have taught us but didn’t. They were too busy being bushwacked by feminism. They’ve witnessed the entire spectrum of what it means to be a man during the time of feminism, which has bridged their own fathers, the father figure of the 50’s, to the emasculated, androgynous lumps of arrested adolescence that they raised who are now in their late 20’s and early 30’s. This is a time where the popular representation of the father is the demonized forms of Homer Simpson and Al Bundy.

A Call to Arms

This isn’t a “woe is us” diatribe. As a matter of fact, it’s a “call to arms.” It’s time for today’s boys to stand up and finally become the men that they should be. No longer will this prolonged adolescence be tolerated, instead these boys will finally learn what it means to become a man in today’s world. And not only will women support the effort, but they will stand up and cheer. The Meninists of today won’t do these things to simply quell the bitching of women in order to keep themselves happy, rather they will do so because that is what men do…and naturally what women want.

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Achieving FCB - Focus Center Balance

These are simple words that describe a very difficult state to maintain in a fast-moving, complicated world.

We live in an Information Age. Never has information been so readily accessible at any time in the history of the world. Alas, never has misinformation, too, been so readily available for public consumption. Misinformation in service of creating a cadre of consumers, replete with negative self images, feelings of inadequacy, and a state of ennui, that leaves us seeking answers outside ourselves, trying to find happiness in material possessions, doctor-prescribed addictions, and God.

Return to Focus Center Balance (FCB)

It’s hard to stay here in this circle. We are comets hurtling through the universe, maintaining our unadulterated path until we, and ultimately our path, may become subject to the gravitational pull (GP) of other celestial bodies. Everyone exhibits some level of gravitational pull; it takes many forms and has many names, such as charm, influence and attractiveness. Some are affected by our GP, while we are sucked in and veered off course by others. Still others are black holes to us, where we are lost to ourselves and the rest of the universe.

Meninism and this site/blog seek to develop your GP in a sense. By finding your focus / center / balance, one will develop their GP and things in life such as happiness, enlightenment, satiety, money and women will come to you.

Maintaining the path is difficult and requires great discipline. Every day something or someone will exert pull on you, but it will be your cognitive decision to allow yourself to veer course.

If you have set out a goal to honor the temple that is your body by exercising and not filling it with crap, then you have no one to blame but yourself if you eat a Krispy Kreme donut in the office kitchen. As much as you may hate to admit it, the schmuck who brought in the donuts isn’t to blame. Your office buddy who told you that they were there isn’t to blame. Your other office buddy who ate two and brought you one as well, isn’t to blame. You have only yourself to blame if you stray off your path.

There will always be people who want to go out for drinks, go out to dinner and eat like shit. What are your goals? What are your plans? What is your path? How will they influence you?

Can someone be a bad influence on you?

I love how people say this about others, absolving themselves of the responsibility and guilt of having made bad decisions for themselves, allowing themselves to be sucked off course.

What you say “they were a bad influence.”

What I hear, “I wasn’t strong enough to not be influenced by someone else. I don’t know exactly who I am, or what I want. Furthermore, I am not strong enough to admit to myself that I made the wrong decision to include this person in to my life and be subject to their gravitational pull.”

Now don’t you just want to kick your own ass for projecting your weaknesses on to someone else?

You must take responsibility for your actions. Do not take up residence in others’ spheres of influence, particularly when they are negative. Do not become subject to your own whims and cravings, much less someone else’s.

How difficult is it to maintain your path?

Maintaining the path is difficult and requires great discipline. I hesitate to say that it is a struggle, but it is certainly not easy. In fact, to know what is right, do what is right, to seek truth and to live right, is the hardest thing a person can do. It requires really examining yourself and being honest with one’s self about your actions and desires.

It is a constant struggle because of the discipline of encountering multiple GP’s every minute of every day. But struggle is discomfort. Comfort is that level where we don’t encounter hardship or adversity and where no growth can come from. Comfort makes you soft and weak. Comfort is weakness.

Humans seek comfort. We seek weakness. Eating fast food is easy. Watching television is easy. Not thinking is easy.

Discipline is hard. Work is hard. Exercise is hard. Thinking is hard. Eating right is hard. Living right is hard.

Growth requires discomfort, hardship and adversity. You must tax your spiritual, psychological, intellectual and physical systems in order to fully realize your potential.

Following is easy. Leading is hard.

Addiction to consumerism, religion or drugs is weakness. Seeking and finding answers, becoming subject to some one else’s GP is easy. There are many who will exert upon you in order to extort from you.

Addiction is the ultimate escapism. You either don’t care what reality is, or you are provided one. This is the case with organized religion. It is the answer key to life, but these are not hard won answers. Swallowing it whole is a cheat. This is why so many that practice exhibit a discipline equal to the fiscal conservatism of a newly minted millionaire via the lottery or the US Government with our tax dollars. They didn’t earn it, of course they wouldn’t have a stake in it!

It is one thing to be told what to do, an entirely different thing to seek, find, acknowledge and know what is right. How can you turn your back on what is right when you have worked so hard to know it? How can you blame anyone but yourself when you do wrong? A fallen angel did not tempt you.

How do I maintain my path?

Required to maintain your path will be a state conducive to FCB.

This state will consist of adequate amounts of sleep. You cannot maintain the path if you are tired. Fatigue makes cowards of us all. If you’re hungry, you’re likely to eat whatever is front of you. If you’re tired, you’re more likely to skip a workout.

Sleep between 6-8 hours a day, every day, even on weekends. Find the time that best works for you. Bio-rhythms cycle between 3 and 4 hours. Any more than 8 will shorten your life, literally and figuratively. It is proven that the most successful people, get the less sleep on average.

Meditate

Meditate daily. This will help maintain FCB.

Focus on disciplining your mind, blocking out thoughts, sounds and other distractions. This can start at as few as 10 seconds per day, but should gradually increase. This is your mobile sanctuary. It is not escape. It is a training of the mind, that slows down the spinning that results from the myriad of information and influences one experiences each day. First thing in the morning and at the end of the day are great times for this.

Breathe through your nose and in to your belly, nice and deep. Focus on the cool air as it passes your nostrils while breathing in through your nose. Push it down in to your belly. Now exhale pushing with your diaphragm. Focus on making both inhalation and exhalation long and slow. Discipline your breath, do not be subject to it. Hold your inhalation as long as you can. Slow, easy and long. Feel your body. Feel the energy coursing through you.

These 2 very simple things will help you to achieve FCB on a daily basis. This is the proper state in which to maintain your goals and your path. By incorporating these things you will be able to fall out of the rat race and focus on that which is important…you.

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More Man Card Violations

Violation of these rules may lead to swift revocation of your man card -

1) You don't talk about diets. Men are never under any circumstances to refer to being on a diet.

2) You must never drink diet tonic water. Besides it tastes like shit. And if you're gonna blow $10 and your diet (that you're not talking about!) on premium vodka, you might as well enjoy it.

3) Vegetarian just looks like it has the word vagina in it. You're a carnivore; deal with it. The only time you do not consume meat is during a cleansing fast.

4) Past the age of 25, movie posters on your wall, framed or not, is strictly forbade.

5) You may never use the phrase "If I won the lottery...", daydreaming is for girls about weddings.

6) You must never watch figure skating. That goes double if it's not competitive and is exhibition or the skaters have costumes on.

7) Learn to live more simply; take cold showers. Your ancient ancestors didn't have water heaters and they weren't pussies. If they were, you wouldn't be here. They didn't go without warm water so that their far-offspring would be a bunch of pansies.

8) If you must cook, cook only when there is an open flame. Baking is for women and the French.

Denial of earthly comforts is the key to understanding and appreciating ourselves and the world around us. Through abstinence, you will begin upon the path of enlightenment.

Comfort is the weakness that all humans seek. In order to be enlightened, you will need to deny comfort and weakness; seeking to develop yourself will lead to hardship and discomfort. Only through discomfort will growth come. Only through growth will enlightenment come.

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The Foundation

In the Beginning - Meninism

The Foundation - the bedrock upon which Rome will indeed be built, will be laid by the experience of intense self reflection and disciplined practice in the field. This ultimate goal of the foundation will be the formation of a World View; a World View being deeper than stupid behavioral tricks, simple self awareness, or slogans catchier than The Clap on a hooker's futon. While this World View may indeed contain such elements, Nirvana here will be defined as the identification that there is indeed "no spoon"; the safety nets of rote memorization no longer needed; the training wheels of validation removed; the hazy gauze of prior learning unraveled, leaving us to see the world as it truly is...limited only by ourselves.

While the transformation of the mind's eye from that of a tight fist, to that of an open, honest, objective eye should be viewed as a destination, with myriad paths, forks and dead-ends, in order to free our mind's eye from the Louis Vuitton baggage of the endless barrage of marketing images and the feminization of today's man we determined to set forth one path. The gradual awakening (opening), unlearning and reeducation of the eye will be for the most part, so discreet as to be undetectable moment to moment. But the initial shock will be eye-opening indeed. It will also be the most superficial point, the awakening. The emphasis will be placed on the external, with the larger (macro) goal being the gradual shifting of the internal paradigm. Emphasis will be placed initially on tactile elements, in order to disrupt the current negative flow, in order to awaken you as if icy water had been poured on you. The tangible will be necessary to open the eye, to awaken it, but if the shift does not occur at a more profound internal level, the void will cease to disappear. One would become simply a computer program, automated without a sense of self-fulfillment. Like a computer program, you would know what to do, maybe occassionally achieving the desired result, but would never reach Nirvana, or a lasting state of satiation. The unquenchable thirst that fills you, would not be sated, and you would still crawl the desert floor of your previous existence, without the existential water to ease your restless soul.

Social
Psychological
Sexual or Romantic
Philosophical
Physical
Intellectual

The addressing of each and every one of these is crucial to your development, and none of them can be ignored if the whole is to be considered. Whether you want to succeed in Business, with Women or a Special Someone, or just have the desire to make yourself a better person, all of these must be considered. Once awake, your eye will never be able to sleep again.

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Fallacy of ‘Friends’

Remember the show ‘Friends’? Chandler, Monica, Rachel, Ross, Joey and Phoebe? Three guys, three girls, adjacent apartments, all of them platonic best friends. Not until season five or six does any romantic interplay exist between any of the characters.

Though a fan of the show, I look back and wonder how realistic the premise was. Can three attractive women maintain a healthy romantic relationship with anyone outside their incestuous circle of male friends once their boyfriend discovers he is in competition with three other men for her time and attention? Conversely, would any women tolerate dating a man who is thick as thieves with three beautiful women he claims are his ‘best friends’?

The question tugs even deeper. Though male-female platonic friendships do exist in Pussified and Scrobotomized America today, what do they say about the men and women that inhabit them? Is it different for men than for women to have platonic friends of the opposite sex? Is it ok for either once in a committed, monogamous relationship? What about exes that the person you date may still be close to, “as a friend”?

Has the line between men and women been so blurred that not only is the workplace and the household gender-neutral, but now once-sacred male bonds and once-unbreakable female friendships have been usurped by mixed-gender friendships that purport to be of the same dynamic.

How many women these days do you hear describing their slew of ‘best friends’, half the names of which are male? Men, too, have succumbed to the false notion that the more female friends they have the more desirable they look in a woman’s eyes.

We’ll start with this issue first, then move on to the deeper issue of platonic mixed-gender friendships and why they wreak of mischief.

Undeniably, men that relate better to women on a friendship level generally come in two varieties: Homosexual and Pansy. The first is obvious--Gay men crave the friendship of women because they themselves are wired with a feminine bent: attraction to men, obsession with all things fashion, design and appearance, a disdain for the disheveled and disorderly. The commonalities are endless. The pansy, on the other hand, is the straight guy who can’t close the deal, so he figures he’ll hang around long enough, be the shoulder to cry on and the ear to yap into until one day, tired of the “jerks and deadbeats” (read, real men), and imbibed with the right concoction of booze, pills and self-pity, she might hand down a sympathy lay to the hapless schmuck.

Short of those two, no straight man who has any aspirations beyond a Level 3 existence, has more than at most 2 female acquaintances, both of whom he has bagged. Here’s why: Most straight men with multiple female friends crave female validation. Like their female counterparts, they are attention-whores. If a man can get intellectually, recreationally and/or conversationally from a woman what he lacks with his male friends, he is, to be sure, one of two breeds of man; Homosexual or Pansy. Women, be wary of the man that divides his time between returning missed calls to female friends and staying in touch with exes because “their friendship is so close.” Real men don’t stay around long after sex has ended. This should sound neither chauvinistic nor offensive to women, but rather should serve as a benchmark for the degree to which your man is insecure and/or needy. Remember, as a general rule, men do NOT stick around long after sex has ended, nor do they stray while it is going on.

For women the story as old as Methuselah. The fag hags are by and large the women so emotionally vacuous yet desperate for male attention that they surround themselves with the flattery and praise of gay men innocuous enough not to demand anything at the end of the night. Avoid these women like a Priest would a daycare center.

Next is the women who just have a lot of male friends. Don’t kid yourself here, boys. Unless the men fall into one of the two aforementioned categories—Gay or Pansy—and you can tell quick if they do, this woman has either blown them or spread for them. Any man who would tolerate being in a relationship with a woman who insists on maintaining “friendships” with the strangers she’s blown who probably hope to one day experience seconds, is, well, not much of a man.

The point here is that there are very few cases in which mixed-gender friendships are just that—a genuine human connection between two people of the opposite sex that is longstanding and built on substance, shared common interests and platonic fondness for the other rather than random sexual chemistry and/or neediness. The word ‘friend’ is sacred and overused in our society. A Level 5 Player has friends that number in the single digits and can usually be counted on one hand. People that tell you they have more are doubtless using a liberal definition of the word and therefore probably aren’t very good friends themselves.

Level 5 Players do not tolerate women keeping in touch with male friends as much as they refuse to keep in touch with their own. Again, in rare cases, genuine bonds are created between men and women that transcend romance and passion and exist somewhere in the platonic realm of kinship. But they are rare.

For their part, should women tolerate a man who keeps in touch with his exes? No. This man craves validation and feels the need to walk the relationship tightrope with a safety net lest you break his heart and he be left alone. His constant need for love and validation keep him from breaking contact with those women that accepted and loved him. This man, at best, is operating at Level 3.

Keep in mind, however, male-female “friendships” have only recently begun to take vogue. By recently, we’re talking the last 25 years. While no official study has been done to tabulate the average number of opposite sex friendships the average man or woman counts as having, it is surely higher than the days when contact was cut the day someone was spoken for.

From a Meninist perspective, the issue begs whether or not women, not unlike vaginized men, have become so Scrotumized that they indeed relate better to men these days than they do their own kind. This issue is a non-issue. For the sort of women we are talking about—power-walking, chain-smoking maneaters that fill Marketing Director chairs and executive boardrooms, if the Beware sign is not clear enough to avoid, God be with you.

Similarly for women. If you are the type of women that gravitates to Old Reliable, the vaginized doormat of a man, because he is safe and won’t challenge or cheat on you (not synonymous) you are saying something about yourself, not him. Step outside that comfort box, honey, and see if you can keep the interest of a real man (Level 4 and up) for longer than it takes to swing your legs back shut.

If not, revert back to the Pussified Man that will reply with ‘yes, dear’ to everything you say. And when he wonders aloud who’s the guy on the other end of the line you’re talking to at midnight, you can always count on that old standby…

“Honey, he’s just a friend.”

Pffft.

- al

Is Female Purity a Relic?

An article appeared on Yahoo news this past week about Harvard
University students taking vows of celibacy in defiance of what they
see as rampant, indiscriminate and loveless sex across campus.

Some feminists, in particular, have criticized the group's message,
decrying it as anti-female and suggesting that a woman's perceived
innocence is the last vestige of a bygone era long since passed.

Harvard student Rebecca Singh said she was offended by a valentine the
group sent to the dormitory mailboxes of all freshmen. It read: "Why wait?
Because you're worth it."

"I think they thought that we might not be 'ruined' yet," Singh said. "It's
a symptom of that culture we have that values a woman on her purity.
It's a relic."

Is a woman's purity a relic of the past? Is her decision to be
discriminating with whom she shares her body symptomatic of an
anti-feminist patriarchal society? Does a woman's value have any
relation to the number of men she's shared herself with?

Let's explore these questions from a historical perspective first and
then contextualize it with the world in which we live today.

Pre-20th century, women, for the most part, were seen as a commodity
whose monetary value was linked to her virginity. A woman's innocence
was rigidly enforced by her family and community and her "bride price"
was severely compromised if her reputation was sullied.

We are also talking about a time, remember, when a woman's sexual
pleasure was confined to the suburban walls of heterosexual marriage
while the regulation of men's sexual proclivities was still very much
public domain.

By the time the "swinging 60's" rolled around, traditional sexual
standards were flipped on their ear. Female contraception, suburban
backlash and perceived male repression precipitated a collective
female angst that took the form of sexual promiscuity and a violent
repudiation of the commoditized virgin mentality.

Does Singh, then, have a point? Is female purity in today's
highly-sexualized overly feminist society, a relic?

Statistics say yes. A recent study suggests that of married women, over 50% report having had an affair on their spouse, closing the gap on the 65% for married
men. A Dateline study conducted in 2004 reports that, on average, women report having had five partners by the time they get married. For men that number is 13. The number is probably a little low for women but even still it is significantly higher than even 50 years ago when most women were virgins, or close to it, upon marriage.

The study goes on to report statistics suggesting women are more
sexually adventurous than ever before; have experienced more taboo
forms of sex and have had more one-night stands than at any time
before.

Statistics, however, as we all know, tend to lie. What Singh is talking
about when she decries female purity as anachronistic is the notion
that women are not or should not be sexual creatures. No true Meninist
believes this. In fact he believes the opposite.

It is a man's obligation to leave his woman fulfilled, lest she find
it in the arms-and other appendages-of another man. Still, sexual
liberation and female purity are not mutually exclusive. Our
hyperfeminist culture has lead women to believe that they can do
anything a man can do-work like a man, earn like man and, now, fuck
like a man. But biology cannot be eluded here. By their nature women
are required to be more selective in their choice of partners. This
has nothing to do with patriarchal social mores or old school
Puritancial thinking. A woman's purity, for lack of a better term, is
in direct correlation to her self -worth, her body image, her level of
responsibility and her potential loyalty in a relationship.

Singh's argument is consistent with Meninist thinking on several levels: 1.)
That women are and should be treated as sexual beings, not porcelain dolls
2.) That the notion of The Virgin Bride is anachronistic 3.) That sexual
gratification is a man AND woman's birthright. Where she falters is in
comparing purity with promiscuity.

Promiscuity can be forgiven, if Level 5 thinking is applied. All girls, to
be sure, go through their Girls Gone Wild slut phase from 19-24. Unless they
have their own sexual hang-ups, men should be able to overlook this time in
their woman's life as silly exploration. However, if by the time a woman
reaches womanhood (25+) and she still feels the need to find validation in
the arms of a man, then her purity, or lack thereof, certainly devalues her.

Any woman who feels the need to use sex to exert her authority
over men is operating on a very low level. Similarly, any woman who sleeps
with a large number of men feels a hole needs to be filled, so to speak. If
we define purity as a woman's essence, her being, her character and what she
can bring to a relationship, in both cases her purity is devalued. Singh's
argument is compelling but too simplistic. She equates purity with female
promiscuity. A Level 5 Meninist views purity as a woman's entire being and
any woman who views the privilege of having sex with her so casually has
lost value in his eyes. Similarly, any man who has the "any port in the
storm" mentality while trying to score at a bar, should be devalued in a
woman's eyes as well.

The definition of purity for a woman has changed. However, there is still a
definition. No longer is a woman impure if she has had a number of sexual
partners by her wedding date. Today a woman's purity is defined not in
numbers but in behavior and character. Tough the two are linked, Singh
ignores the biological basis for a woman's purity. The level of
responsibility, loyalty and discernment that a woman of class possesses
would not allow her to compromise her purity for a cheap orgasm. Are there women
who sleep with men just for sex? Yes, but these men are Level 5 Players who
offer her something, be it mind-blowing orgasms, charming repertoire or
worldly pleasures. She is not some bar trollop who will spread 'em wide for
any Jake with a Born to Lose tattoo.

For a woman of purity, the number of men she has slept with--and the quality
thereof--are always in inverse proportion to one another.

How does this relate to the Meninist philosophy? As much as this will anger
women to hear, this question cannot be answered by ignoring our inherent
biological differences. Biologically, men don't need to be as discriminating
as the women they have sex with.

And while feminist thinkers like Singh try to outrun biology and evolution, at the end of the day women will always be viewed through the prism of purity. While that definition has indeed changed slightly in the past 50 years, it certainly is not a relic.

- al

On Being A Natural

For some, being an alpha male, and attracting women, comes naturally. For others, this may be out of our “natural grasp.” However, by employing the right meta-frame, it is possible to develop the skills that will enhance your status as an alpha male and your ability to attract women.

This article will distinguish between the two different mindsets, identify the right frame-set in order to develop skills that others would deem “natural” or “God-given," and show you how to apply to your personal development.


THE RIGHT FRAME-SET

Having the right frame-set is critical in your Development. In fact, it actually could preclude you from developing yourself at all, if you do not inhabit the correct frame-set.

In order to achieve success in life and to develop yourself, you will need to change the way you view talents, abilities and intelligence. You will need to change the way you view yourself, your potential, and your development.

In order to reach your greatest potential, you will need to view your talents and abilities as malleable skills that can be developed, rather than "gifts" that have been naturally bestowed upon you. This would extend to those areas that are typically viewed as “God-given” talents or abilities, such as attractiveness, intelligence, and physical ability.


MINDSETS – FIXED VS GROWTH

Carol Dweck discusses this concept in her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, in trying to determine why some people try harder than others. She delineates between two groups of people, those who exhibit a “Fixed Mindset” versus those with a “Growth Mindset”.

People who felt that ability and intelligence were something you were born with were of the Fixed Mindset. Those who viewed their ability and intelligence as something they could develop exhibited the Growth Mindset.

She posits that the Fixed Mindset individual is less likely to work to develop their abilities, while the Growth Mindset individual was more likely to make a greater effort in order to develop their skills.

She argues that if you view your skills and abilities as bestowed upon you by some divine entity, where you’re either born with IT or you’re not, then you are less likely to exert effort to develop that skill. Additionally, when confronted with adversity, the person with the Fixed Mindset would be less persistent than the Growth Mindset person.

Marina Krakovsky discusses Dweck’s book and the concepts therein, in her article, The Effort Effect, which appeared in the Stanford Alumni Journal. In the article she uses the example of Dweck’s work with the Blackburn Rovers Football Club (they really play Soccer and not Football, but I digress), to illustrate Dweck’s theories.

Dweck was called on to work with the Rovers Soccer club, where many of the players felt that they didn’t need to practice or that if they did practice or work hard that it was an admission of their own lack of talent. Not only were they not practicing, because they felt that their abilities were natural or “God-given”, but by practicing they were diminishing their own egos. (egolessness)

With a fixed mindset, where talent is divined rather than developed, these talents become a part of the ego. The fixed mindset will seek out only those opportunities where it feels that it can be successful, in order to avoid failures which might be injurious to the ego. When they are not successful right away in a new endeavor, they will be more likely to throw in the towel at any sign of adversity, because they will assume that they were not bestowed with that particular ability.

The distinction between hard work and natural talent is made early in life and often by well meaning parents and/or educators. Often you will hear that a child is “naturally bright” or “gifted”, while another makes up for their lack of ability by being “hard working.” Thereby, hard work and natural talent are ideologically opposed. This is a disservice to both parties, as one now feels no control over their talent, while the other feels intellectually diminished. The cruelest irony reserved for the naturally gifted student who doesn’t need to work hard, and as a result never actually seeks to develop their “God-given” talent.

If a naturally gifted child with a fixed mindset found themselves having to work harder at some future juncture, they would feel less gifted. Hard work would be necessary to compensate for their lack of talent. But with a fixed mindset, a “good work ethic” would be something you were born with, and the necessity for hard work would be attacking their ego. Rather than attempting things outside the scope of their perceived abilities, often fixed mindsets will simply not try, thereby demonstrating their abilities only when they feel comfortable.

For instance, the child that has been convinced that they are “good at Math naturally,” either by parents, educators, themselves or any such combination, will give up on a difficult Math problem more quickly, citing their lack of natural ability. (perception of self and how it is influenced by others) Whereas the child with the Growth Mindset, will view the difficult problem as a challenge, a way for them to develop their skills and will be less inclined to give up on the problem.


APPLYING THE GROWTH MINDSET TO YOUR DEVELOPMENT

In order to develop yourself, you will have to take on Dweck’s Growth Mindset. You will have to open yourself up to the idea that your abilities are not predetermined and that you can exact positive change in your life, even in areas that are assumed to be “God Given.” You will need to see your potential as limitless, and held back only by yourself (personal responsibility, self empowerment). You will need to embrace the concept that failures are your own, and not the result of anyone else’s efforts. You will need to understand that failure is a natural part of growing and learning, and is not to be feared.


BECOMING A MAN

Many mistakenly hold the view that being an Alpha Male or Ladies’ Man, only comes naturally to those fortunate to have it bestowed upon them. While for some it does indeed come naturally, there are others for whom it does not. However, as Dweck would suggest and this website agrees, you can develop these skills. In developing yourself, you will find that the things that you’ve always wanted will come your way, once you begin to apply these lessons and exercises.

In order to engage on being more attractive, see How to Instantly Be More Attractive to Women, . This will immediately put you in a different light with women.

As men age, we actually have the ability to be more attractive to women. As we age, we develop more of the characteristics that are identified with manliness and not coincidentally that women find attractive. Particularly younger women.

You can easily place yourself in the more attractive category with women by simply taking care of yourself. By being more fashionable, wearing clothes that fit you and by being physically fit, you will surpass the majority of other men in physical attractiveness.

Women get the short end of the stick on this one. Their physical attractiveness wanes as they get older, as our society values those physical attributes in women associated with younger women. But as a man, by not getting the proverbial beer belly, wearing ironed shirts and nice shoes, and being well groomed, you can be viewed as more attractive despite your age.

For tips on how becoming a man in today’s ultra-feminized American society, you’ll need to continue referring to the Meninism website and blog.


BE BOLD, TAKE ACTION

For ways to develop yourself, you will need to be pushed outside your personal “green zone”, the area in which you feel safe and comfortable. This will mean taking on new activities that push you outside of the defined space that you now occupy. Most importantly, this will aid your personal development. Incidentally this will put you in the position to grow your social circle and in turn meet more potential marks.

Select some activities at which you are not currently proficient. The fact that you are not good at them at first will provide you with humility, which is always a good thing to be reminded, and of which you should not be fearful.

Not being good right away will provide you with challenges, which will at first provide opportunities for growth and later measurements for success.

All of this will lead to opportunities to develop your self - physically, mentally, intellectually, and spiritually, as well as a great way to meet people in a very relaxed atmosphere.

Physical – take up Running, Soccer, Tennis, Biking, Swimming, Martial Arts or Rock Climbing. Preferably you would play on a team where you do not know anyone. This will add a level of challenge socially, and increase your social circle.

Intellectual – take a class such as Cooking, on a Foreign Language, Wine Tasting, Dancing, Music Appreciation, or Film. You could read a book every week or two, or join or start a book club. There may be clubs or discussion groups that you could meet in outside your immediate circle of friends, which I would highly recommend.

Discussion and debate are a great way to solidify your ideas and thoughts on a particular subject. Additionally a rousing dialogue can be very invigorating. This is great for overcoming a fear of public speaking and learning to articulate your ideas aloud.

Spiritual – church, discussion groups, or books on religious subjects. Ideally these would not support your current beliefs. You should challenge yourself. Read the God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, the Koran, or take a Religious Studies course on World Religions or one religion in particular.

- bg

A Guy, A Girl and Fear Walk Into a Bar…

The fear of failure is always worse than the failure itself.

This idea is at the core of every human thought and action. The mind’s ability to rationalize fear as something other than fear is astounding. The extent to which we as humans will go to avoid responsibility, evade personal truth and construct a false self is utterly perplexing.

Have you ever felt uncomfortable around homosexuals? Discomfort comes from fear and fear, at its inescapable core, is not about the object that you fear, but always, and without exception, about yourself. It is widely documented that homophobes are closeted homosexuals. There is much evidence to support this claim.

Alexander The Great said, “When you conquer fear, you conquer death.” Using the logic used in the gay example above, this stands to reason. The fear of death has nothing to do with death itself. After all, no one even knows what it is. What if death were, as some extremist Muslims believe, an eternal Xanadu of untouched virgins. Would we fear it then? The reason most people fear death is because they fear their own demise. They fear what it will say about them if they “die with their music still in them,” as Tolstoy wrote in the Story of Ivan Illych. Everyone fears dying with their music still inside them, not having realized the kiss of destiny God blew into them upon conception, instead having tread familiar and unchallenged terrain all their life and self-actualizing. As seminal psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “A man must be what he can be.”

The same principle applies with women. A Gentleman never, ever blames a woman for the inadequacies he feels. Why are most men afraid to approach beautiful women at a bar? Think about it for a second before you read on. Why are you afraid to approach a beautiful woman at a bar? Chances are, it is for several reasons. First, because you have not established your Metaframe strongly enough. Anyone who goes anywhere without spending some time meditating on the Metaframe he/she wishes to create—at a business lunch or at a bar, or wherever—they are leaving themselves susceptible to being sucked into the realities of someone who did.

In the case of a singles bar, most men are afraid of approaching the beautiful woman because they instinctively view her as the prize that they must win over in order to have a shot. This, as we’ve discussed at length, is strike one. If she rejects him, he sees himself as a failure. If she is interested in someone else, he sees it as an increased challenge to prove himself more worthy than his competitor. This is all very low-energy thinking patterns that women can sniff out and pounce on by sucking you into their realities of entitlement, free drinks, and “Dance, monkey, dance!” manipulation to feed their own egos.

The second thing stopping most men from making a strong approach at a beautiful woman is fear. Not fear like you typically think of it, though. This fear has nothing to do with the woman, or the drop-dead gorgeous friends around her, or how beautiful and intimidating they all look. The fear stems from the self. What will I think of myself if I approach them and they view me as unworthy? How will I view myself?

The self-actualized Level 5 Player will interpret their rejection of him as a wonderful sign that they are not worthy of the quality of person he is offering them, if they received his approach with disdain. This is very important here. It is not some hokie mind job you’re playing on yourself; it is a way of being that people, particularly women, can sniff out even when you think you’re disguising it well. It is at the core of why women are attracted to “assholes” or “jerks”. These men, for all their financial troubles and personal defects, have an attitude of deserving. An attitude of personal prizability that women will always favor over good looks or a slick car.

Reason being is that the former is biological and the latter is societal. Biological aches, urgings and cravings will always win out over societal ones. Just ask the guy with a billion dollars in his briefcase stranded in a 120-degree desert who runs across a lemonade stand charging a billion dollars per glass.

For women, their biological craving to be with a man who projects confidence without appearing needy or pining for affection, will always win out over their desire to be with someone with money or big biceps. Always! One is a biological need. The other is a flimsy socially constructed desire. That’s why you see the Desperate Housewives sleeping with the deadbeat gardeners and pool boys while Old Reliable (their husband) is out earning their next tennis bracelet. The need is biological and if you can tap into it, the garden of love and sex is yours and everything in it.

So, then, if attracting more women into your life is your aim, focus less on attaining more money or buying a nice car or impressing her with lobster dinners and champagne breakfasts. Put your time and energy into establishing a more impregnable Metaframe.

And for heaven’s sakes, write it down. Here is an example of one:

1.) I am the prize. She wants me since I am the prize for her.
2.) Everything that they do, say, act and imply is to get me to like them, hoping that I will eventually approve of them as cool and/or beautiful.
3.) Everything that I am saying to them, they are finding fascinating, so it is irrelevant what they think about what I am saying because I operate knowing they find it and me fascinating. And if they don’t, they are pretending to get me to like them.
4.) She will get more pleasure from kissing/sleeping with me than I will with her.
5.) Nobody has ever made her feel the way I will when I romance/seduce her.
6.) They are trying to get me to sleep with them and/or make out with them as a sign that I like them and think they are cool/attractive.
7.) We are going to sleep together, but only if she meets my standards/qualifications for women I will sleep with.
8.) They are my sisters and I love them all, hating not one of them no matter how they respond to me.

Remember, it is your own self-created, or rather self-imposed Metaframe that is causing you to feel rejected and/or fearful. It has absolutely nothing to do with the woman. This a very deep Level 4 notion that is not easily understood, and even less easily implemented. It requires assuming all responsibility for feelings, behaviors and actions on yourself, regardless of the cause. As a thought experiment, consider the following:

After spending two hours of enjoyable, lucid conversation with a hot chick at a bar and buying her a few drinks, you return from the bathroom to find her making out with some random guy.

Are you upset at her? If you are being honest, you would probably answer ‘yes’. Most men’s first instinct is to feel slighted, rejected, eschewed in favor of the BBD (Bigger Better Deal). Guess what? You have just been sucked into her reality. Her Metaframe has won out over yours.

The Level 5 thinker, conversely, would feel lucky enough to have walked out of the bathroom to witness what a piece of trash he was blindsided by and move onto someone more worthy of his time. If he still desired her, he could use some techniques to reconstruct the reality around him and suck her back into his Metaframe, however this is a lengthy discussion and we will save it for another article.

Nevertheless, let the point not be lost. Fear, at its inescapable core, is always about the person experiencing the fear, not the object of the fear. Fear of flying is not a fear of heights or enclosed places, but the person’s reaction to that stimulus and the agreement they’ve made with reality as to how they will react to that stimulus. Remember, it is a choice.

Make the choice to not be a results-oriented thinker, as that inevitably leads to resentments. Detach yourself from the outcome, assume responsibility for your fear, your emotions and your reactions and spend more time establishing your agreement with reality. Or re-establishing it.

It’s been said better by wiser, so I’ll leave with one of my favorite aphorisms by social thinker Dr. Wayne Dyer:

“When you seek to make truth your personal reality, you are strengthened and the universe conspires to furnish you with what you’ve asked of it”

-al

The Five Levels of Player Status

Having made reference to the five levels of Gamesmanship, as it relates to Players of The Game, we thought it appropriate to delineate what those five levels actually are and what differentiates them.

The Five Levels of Player status one can achieve in The Game are: 1.) Rookie 2.) Novice 3.) Poseur 4.) Playboy 5.) Gentleman

Remember, not everyone moves through the Five Levels of Gamesmanship. Some get up to Level Three, with even fewer advancing to Level Four. Still fewer, the self-actualizing elite, attain Level Five status. For reference, think George Clooney or Sean Connery as Level Five Players. Smooth, in control, admired and full of conviction. Bill Clinton is another good example. Keep in mind, though, there are far more men that never see past Level One or Two. These are the sad majority of men that have subscribed to the fallacious notions we’ve been reviewing about women being the prize, beautiful women are hard to get, a man should woo the woman, etc. Let’s examine their mentality.

Level One: Rookie
This describes the young boy who, through no fault of his own, is a bumbling ball of nerves and unfettered sexual desire around girls. At 15 or 16 and still a virgin, due to lack of experience the Level One Rookie adopts the society-wide mentality that women are the prize to be wooed and sought after. This destructive mindset leads him to more frustration and a prolonging of the Level One status—and more importantly, mentality—that will only end once he gets laid. Two things happen then. Either he latches onto the “prize” that finally agreed to spread her legs for him and, not knowing his true value yet, commits too early, leading a ho-hum life of insurance sales, overdue mortgage payments and joyless sex. Or, he wizens up, observes the more experienced students of The Game who are a little more advanced in Levels, and begins to view himself as the prize and women as his reward; his reward for becoming a student of The Game and continually advancing himself through the Five Levels. This takes years, but the critical decision is made early on: Insurance sales and a shrieking overweight shrew, or a bevy of admirers and a life of self-actualization.

Level Two: Novice
Once the cherry is popped, so to speak, a whole new world opens up. The Rookie, no longer a virgin, moves now to the Level of Novice. While still unsure of himself and uncomfortable around women, he is now able to at least communicate, if immaturely, to the opposite sex. His desire is expressed blatantly and without deft or skill. Whereas the Levels Four and Five Players see sex as a gift they bestow on their innumerable conquests, the Level Two Novice still views it as a treat he receives for behaving. Like a lap dog receives a bone, if he kowtows to his master, so, too, does the Level Two Novice get thrown his “bone” if he kowtows to his. This phenomenon is twofold and it will take a strong mindset to overcome all the social and parental programming that creates and perpetuates this lap dog/master mentality as it relates to sex/companionship. Our media culture and uberfeminist society inculcates young men via movies and television to “respect women” and treat them like a queen. The first thing that Level One Players learn is to what? Ask a girl to the dance. Take her out. Show her a good time. Then, maybe, just maybe, he’ll “score”, or “get lucky”, or “hit third base or possibly even a home run”. Keep in mind, however, the implicit umpire/referee of this whole game is who? The woman! Most men, check that, boys, tool around between this level and Level Three all their lives, both with women and with life in general. They are never able to rewire their reality to fit the self-actualizing thinker, and thus spend their lives resenting and vilifying the very same guys they tried vainly to become. Level Two Novices need to make that leap of faith into the inconceivable—that women are just as lustful and desirous as men and of men—before they can reach the next Level of Gamesmanship, the Poseur, or The Bad Boy.

Level Three: The Poseur
Also called The Bad Boy, Level Three is not a bad place to be. For one thing, a lot of men don’t even get to this level. They’re either married by this point to the first girl who said yes, or still trying to figure out why the girl they lust after seeks the attention of The Level Three Bad Boy that could give a rat’s ass about her. The Poseur, having bedded his share of women, either through lying/cheating/manipulating, has acquired some skill at this point, both in getting women into bed and leaving them fulfilled once there. If you only make it to this level, you are ahead of more than 75% of the men out there. The trouble with the Poseur is that he is just that. He has defined himself by his conquests. His self-image, the very essence of his confidence is derived from women’s approval of him. Still hung up on making his numbers grow (women he’s bedded), he has not formed a true identity for himself, as his whole existence relies on playing a role to get women into bed. Whether it’s the good-looking asshole that is too hip for the room or the misunderstood writer that women seem to dig, these poseurs wear their artificial identities like badges around their necks, hoping to be noticed and/or loved by some impressionable piece of pussy. They know neither what they stand for nor what they won’t stand for, and so invariably end up being the center of drama and emotional turmoil with their relationships with women. As we’ve seen before, drama and emotional turmoil are the polar opposites of Level Five Gentleman’s emotional control, cool detachment and desirelessness. Level Three Poseurs, while they do get laid, need to dissemble the truth, indeed themselves, in order to do so. They are incapable of expressing genuine human emotion in the fear that their armor of artifice might get chinked. If they feel exposed, they feel weak, if they feel desired they feel strong. Walk around a bar or club one day and spot the guy in his late thirties/early forties that knows everyone at the bar. Women flock to say hello to him, he smiles ear-to-ear and he’s there almost every night. Occasionally he’ll even end up taking someone home. This guy is Level Three. Liked by everyone, hated by himself. It’s ok to spend some time in Level Three, even years, it is a great place to be now that you’ve honed your game enough to get laid and have some fun with women. Just be careful to respect The Game enough not to spend your life there or create your identity around it, as Level Four awaits…

Level Four: Playboy
If you ever attain this Level of Gamesmanship then you are in the top 3-5% of men who have tackled The Game. Consider this a great accomplishment, as you are in exclusive company. The Level Four Playboy has mastered himself to the extent that he sees himself as the prize. For the most part, he views human interactions, particularly with women, as ones in which the other party is benefiting more than he is. Having truly internalized the notion of himself as the prize, above all else, his interactions with women have become more spiritual in nature than sexual, as he has sublimated that desire to the extent that the women now pine for him rather than vice versa. Thus begins the auditioning process of who “qualifies” for his time, who is deserving and who will win the Casting Call Lottery in his audition for a lover. He is deft in the bedroom, living in the moment and, having bedded countless women, knows the female form like the back of his hand. His respect for women will not allow him to let a woman leave his lair unfulfilled. It is a reflection on him that he refuses to entertain. The Level Four Playboy has turned inward to find his personal identity and he finds his strength and sense of self from his work, his passions in life, the values that he upholds and finds dear and the spiritual principles that he strives to live up to every day that he wakes up in the morning. For this man, strip every single woman away from him and he will not feel like any less of a man, as he has not attached his identity to them or their approval of him. Curiously, invariably, it is at this moment, when the desire for approval ceases, that it begins to show up in great abundance in one’s life. Find this man at a party and/or social scene and he commands the room with silent authority, not because of all the people that like him. Rather, because their opinion of him is entirely irrelevant. Incidentally, for the Level Four Playboy social scenes begin to take different forms, too. Seldom will you find him at a low-rung dive bar or dance club. Elegant social settings, networking functions and upscale dinner parties is where this man gets his social digs. The consummate Player/Person. What else is there, you ask? Level Five Gentleman…

Level Five: Gentleman
The Level Five Player, or The Gentleman, as he will be referred to, has taken the principles of Gamesmanship and applied it more holistically to every facet of his life. His relationships with other men, though platonic, are deep-rooted and genuine. His network of social contacts runs deep and rich, having jettisoned those people out of his life that did not contribute to it. He has managed, through great effort, to eschew any person or part of his life that did not service him in a positive way. He has learned this from the principle of prizability, having put himself first before all else. His attitudes and ways with women are much akin to the Level Four Playboy. What separates them is that the Level Five Gentleman has attracted abundance into his life in all its forms, not just the female. He is financially abundant, intellectually abundant, abundant in sophistication and elegance; he has abundance of love and friendship from his family and extended friendship network. His passions for work and play nourish his equally voracious appetite for spiritual enrichment. The man’s depth of knowledge with all things political, worldly and topical runs deep, as does the breadth of his personal life experience. He is well-read beyond compare and treats his body as the temple for his soul, nourishing it with regular exercise and nutritious intake. The Level Five Player lives EVERY day this way. For illustrative purposes, think James Bond as the prototypical Level Five Gentleman. The Soulful Assassin who you wouldn’t mind watching your kids for the weekend. Allow it to be reiterated that the level Five Player, The Gentleman, an oft-used word seldom deserved, is a rare breed indeed. From my personal experience, for a man to reach this level before the age of 40 is highly unusual, but in rare cases by 35 if the extraordinary commitment required is there. I am saying this for two reasons. One, because we were all meant to exist on all five levels for a certain period of time. This is called growth. There is no overnight potion that will transform Joe Blow into James Bond.

So if you identify with some of the lower rungs of this ladder of Gamesmanship, fret not. Live each day as it comes and continue to learn and grow. Most levels—certainly 2-4—but really all of them, take five years to graduate from. Be patient, it will be a trait that will serve you well as you move up in Levels of Gamesmanship, and the days and weeks will pass soon enough. Typically, ages 15-20 typically comprise Level One, 20-25 Level Two, 25-30 Level Three, 30-35 Level Four and 35-40 Level Five. Only at the tail end of each of these ranges does one begin to fully understand the meaning of the Level at its fullest. Remember, it is not what level you are at today, but rather what you do today to get to the next level tomorrow.

On what level am I, you ask? Still learning. Each and every day.

-al

Additional Exercises to Fulfill Your Potential

Now that we have clearly established our goals, the steps needed to achieve them, and the schedule that will deliver us, we must begin to provide the framework to reach the Level 5 - Metaframe.

The discipline of one’s emotions is critical, but is actually a practical application of the real discipline necessary to achieve the proper Man frame. The discipline is in being desireless, egoless and experience Non-attachment.

What does it mean to be Desireless, Egoless and to experience Non-Attachment?

In order to be desireless, you cannot desire. You must not seek. When it comes to being the Man, you cannot seek women for approval or validation. You cannot let their acceptance or unacceptance of you affect your frame-of-mind.

Walk in to any bar, any where. Out of 100 women, 30-40 will have significant others and not be interested in you. Should you feel bad about this fact? Absolutely not.

Out of the remaining 60-70 women at the bar, another 30 don’t find you to be their type, or they’re just not looking to meet a guy that night. Let’s not even attempt to figure out why. Should you feel anything about yourself based on this fact? No.

That leaves you with about 30 women or so who would be open to meeting a guy such as yourself. And that’s plenty.

With that whittling down of prospective candidates, you can’t be upset because a women didn’t return your eye contact, wasn’t receptive to you when you opened her, or wasn’t feeling the Casting Call. Of course you can’t be upset...you have 30 potential women to feel good about.

BE POSITIVE

Don’t be a smiling idiot, as that’s creepy. But remain positive. This goes hand in hand with being Desireless. In fact, being desireless will help you to remain positive. By not wanting to meet a certain girl, or get laid that night, if it doesn’t happen, it’s ok. It’s only when you grasp on to those desires, that you are disappointed.

A cynic could say, well if you don’t want anything, you’ll never be disappointed when you don’t get it. But they won’t ever get it, because in their hearts they really will have desired it.

In the end the Desireless Man will not want, as he will be provided for in both mind and in the physical world. Women will come to you when you don’t desire them.

The Tao of Steve is a subversive guy movie, all trannied-out as a chick flick. This calls on the Taoist principle of being Desireless, along with the notion of not chasing. This is a very important concept. You must never chase. In the movie, it is very simply put, “we pursue that which retreats from us.” We all want to have fun, be engaged, and get butterflies in our stomachs.

Groucho Marx and Woody Allen have similar funny sayings about how they would never want to be a part of a club that would have them as a member.

If you lay a string on a cat it won’t do anything but lay there. If you take that same string and keep it just out of the cat’s reach, that cat will go crazy trying to get it. Are you starting to get the picture? In your interactions with women, are you the cat or are you the string?

The importance of not chasing, or appearing eager, is that you don’t want to come across as desperate or needy. If you chase, you are doing what every other schmuck does that comes up to them. How have you set yourself apart?

Nobody wants someone that wants anyone. They want someone who can and will be discriminate. They want the prize to want them. Therefore, setting yourself up as the prize is key.

Need further proof? Ever been without a girlfriend and you can’t get a girl to sniff your pecker? And then damned if the second you get one, they’re coming around looking for a piece of you. Well you’ve just caught on to the principle of why women like certain guys.

Ever hear that women like guys with reputations, guys that they are inaccessible to them (boyfriends, husbands), or guys that are jerks? Well first off, they don’t like them, but they are definitely attracted to them.

ATTRACTION VS LIKE

What’s the difference between liking someone and attraction? Attraction is something that you can’t help. It’s like tapping in to their biological desires, their deep sociological hardwiring and their need to finally please daddy. Liking someone is a cognitive process. They’ll save that for the schmuck that they marry. I’m only kidding.

You can create that attraction in them by being Desireless. By communicating without explicitly stating, that you have options, that you do discriminate, that you are not needy, you will make yourself more desirable. Think back to those girls that sought you out. They robbed you of the chase and did you ever really like them as a result? Of course not. Maybe you banged them, but you certainly didn’t respect them.

EXERCISE 5 –

Talk to every woman you can whether she is young, old, hot, ugly, blond, brunette, someone you know or a complete stranger. Really talk to them. Be sincere. Listen and respond with questions about what they’re saying. Make sure to ask them more than talking yourself. Express an interest in another human being. Whatever you do, don’t ask her out, particularly if you know you will see her again. Leave her wondering why you didn’t and you’ve become the string to her cat.

If strangers prove daunting start with people you know. A great suggestion I’ve heard is talk with women who have to speak with you. Girls who work at malls, baristas, and bartenders. Have no agenda. Simply talk to them. Listen. The only organ you should be worried about working with women is your ears. They will tell you everything while telling you nothing. Sure they’re talking about Brangelina, but if you’re listening you will hear everything you need to know.

EXERCISE 6 -

Notice how you approach women differently. Try to approach them all the same no matter what. Be Desireless and stay in the moment. This way you will act like yourself all the time, no matter the situation or her degree of hotness.

Do not have an agenda, make sure to listen, respond to her in ways that let her know you are listening. By not having an end goal, you will loosen her up, make her more comfortable, show that you respect her as a human being and do not view her as chum. This environment will foster a desire for her to want to get to know you better.

ON THE DEVELOPMENT OF MYSELF

Some of you may be scratching your balls, wondering what the hell all this talk about women, has to do with being a MAN. Well I couldn't agree more with the necessity to ask that question.

Being a MAN isn't about how many chicks you pick up. The picking up of women is only one tangible outcome of these practices to help you develop.

Being desireless in life, will lead to greater happiness. You will live each moment more fully, appreciate people more, and enjoy greater fulfillment when you aren't looking to gain from everyone you meet. In fact, those hard fought things you took, will be given to you in greater quantity. Sounds cheesy, new-agey and counter-intuitive, but it's absolutely true.

Because you want material things, you suffer. They are not permanent. They are not important. Once you realize that your loved ones will not live forever, that their time here with you is finite, you will treasure them more. Time spent with them will be more precious. You will achieve focus in on the important things, and so many other distractions will fall to the wayside. Sports scores, celebrity couples, and reality television will not seem as important. The guy who cut you off in traffic, the seeming slight at work, or the girl who didn't seem interested will become irrelevant. There are bigger, more important things at stake. The fulfillment of your potential is one of them.

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Jessica Alba or Jessica Tandy?

How would you rate Carmen Electra on a scale of 1 to 10? How about Pamela Anderson? Jessica Alba? Where does Janet Reno fall in there? And Rosie O’Donnel What about Starr Jones?

If you answered correctly, they should have all received the same rating. The actual number matters not; what matters is that they categorically fall into the same rank. Yes, even on a looks scale.

Last time we discussed Level 5 Player status and how honesty and emotional truth transcends your game from bar hipster to global playboy. There is another dimension to Level 5 Player status. To the Level 5 Player, all women take the same form, regardless of beauty. They are all part of his planetary casting call, auditioning for the part of his (temporary) lover. To him, whether it’s Jessica Alby or Jessica Tandy, everything that they say, do or imply—yes, everything—is interpreted by him in the following framework:

“She likes me and is trying to get me to sleep with her. Everything that comes out of her mouth is an attempt to have me approve of her as beautiful and/or cool. We will sleep together but only if she meets my standards of intelligence/beauty/character/personality.”

This is, to borrow a scientific term, the Metaframe a Level 5 Player has not only adopted, but inhabited. Observe him at work and you’ll notice he’s just as cool around a gaggle of beautiful women as he is talking to octagenarians at a Convalescent Bingo Hall. To him, they’re all the same. Women trying to win his affection and admiration, as he is the prize.

This MetaFrame may seem odd and counterintuitive to you. We’ve all grown up with false notions of gender dynamics such as, “Beautiful women are bitches”, “Average looking women are easier to land and less high-maintenance”, “Hot chicks demand a lot of attention and money”, “The less attractive a woman is, the nicer she is,”. On and on and on.

The media perpetuates the bogus notion that put beautiful women on the level of deity. For every gorgeous brunette sashaying down 5th Ave. in some cheesy opening movie montage, there’s the bumbling buffoon of a man, mouth agape, looking like he just witnessed the Second Coming of Christ. Television commercials, print ads and sitcom depictions all reinforce this imbalanced perspective.

It is small wonder, then, that so many men buy into this idea that beautiful women are like rarified air, to be enjoyed by the select few, of which they are not a part. It is small wonder, also, that there are so few Level 5 Players out there who have embraced the notion of emotional honesty, fearlessness and personal prizability. Everything in society indicates the contrary!

The truth is that the most beautiful women in the world would give anything to be approached more often by the men who waste their time hitting on the 6’s and 7’s who are the sure thing. Beautiful women are among the most insecure women in the world, in constant need of approval and flattery to assure themselves of their tenuous toehold on the largely feeble-minded male population.

Once you understand this, you will begin to see these women not as super-confident glamour deities, but rather as fragile humans, pining for your attention and affection, hoping to win you over and get your approval so you’ll see them as beautiful. Sound familiar? Read the Meta-Frame above in quotes again. And again. Until you’ve committed it to memory and adopted it as part of your persona, keep reading it.

Level 5 Players don’t “pick up” women. They hold auditions. They interview for those who meet their qualifications and criteria. Sometimes they may let an exception through, but they decide who sleeps with who, when, and under what circumstances.

Some of you may be struggling with this counterintuitive, indeed counter-biological, notion of the man as gatekeeper to the vagina. However, the fact is that by controlling that gate, you are not wresting away a woman’s power, you are in fact doing her a favor.

In the last article we reviewed how personal prizability is as selfless an act as exists, namely because it does not deny the object of your affection the intensity of attraction. We’ve already reviewed how attraction is created, not arbitrary, and, as such, it is something that any selfless, caring man would want his object of affection to feel. Denying that is selfish, is it not?

Putting the two together, by becoming the veritable gatekeeper of her vagina, using Level 5 Player Metaframes and mindsets, you are giving women what they want—especially beautiful women—the intense satisfaction of being in the company of a man that commands himself with such strength and control that their loins ache for your touch, their lips quiver for yours and their heart begs for your embrace. Above all, her very insides crave your cock. Wrap your mind around that one, son.

Going back now, remember this all begins with perception. How we view women; how we decide to view women. No one is saying it is easy. Staring at the ample cleavage of a beautiful woman can throw us off at times and cause us to be nervous, unsure of our words. Practice viewing ugly women the same way you do beautiful women. Remember, they are all part of the same casting call auditioning for the role of your lover.

Keep in mind also that above looks and charm, women respond to a man who is in emotional control. Flattering her or going ga-ga over her ta-tas does not demonstrate emotional control, just desire. While effective at times, desire alone will not earn you Level 5 Player status. You must learn to be impregnable to the feminine mystique. Not unaffected by it, mind you, just in control of it. If a man is in control of his emotions a woman loses control over her desire. This can be a dangerous weapon in your arsenal.

In sum, Jessica Alba = Jessica Tandy. If you see it any different you are empowering someone other than yourself, which is a disservice to the woman you hanker after, who relies on you to create the attraction within her. How is that done? To attain Level 5 Player status, you must view all women as part of you casting call, auditioning for the role of your lover. Repeat the mantra in quotes above until it becomes part of who you are and ignore the bogus social programming regarding gender dynamics that you were raised to believe and continues to be reinforced. Create a new agreement with reality by creating your own, like the one in quotes above.

Do this, and the only relevant ranking you will ever care about will be your own.

-al

The Biology of What Women Want

In understanding what women want, why they want it, and what that has to do with your perceptions of yourself, it is important to remember biology and the part it plays.

While it is easy to forget that we are creatures subject to our nature as well as sociological influence, it is important to put women’s wants in to context; to understand why they seek what they seek, and why they seek those things. It is easy to dismiss them as at best illogical, and at worst shallow and deceitful. Misunderstanding might even lead one to be contemptible of women.

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

In as much as popularly and with little examination a man might be measured by his bedding of many women and his level of financial means, it is important to examine why women would desire these traits in men. If not for long-term mates, then at least in the men to which they are attracted.

Why do women seek alpha males? Why are women attracted to men with money and power?

GOLD DIGGERS?

Once impregnated women will be carry a child for 9 months, and therefore will need "security.” In the past, women would need someone to protect them physically as well as forage for food, while they could not fend for themselves. They would not have been self-reliant at this time.

In today's world "security" is financial, though it can be physical as well. If there's a loud noise outside, guess who's going to check it out. Women seek and find men attractive that have money, because they will be able to provide “security” for them and their offspring.

In addition there are certain traits men that are financially successful that women also find attractive: aggressiveness, risk-taking, and the esteem that goes along with being successful.

This is also the contradiction of modern life, which leads to the misunderstanding of what women want. It is the abstract nature of modern life that is confusing.

Women want their men, sexy and virile. This is not logical, except in terms of biology, where they are trying to ensure their genes survival through mating with other strong genes.

This is also the main reason why sex while cheating results in pregnancy more often (percentage-wise) than sex between committed partners. During an illicit sexual encounter women are at their most fertile, when their body is actively searching for the strongest genes possible to merge with their own.

They will thus seek out the male, who may have no sense of commitment and who would therefore make a terrible mate in terms of child-rearing, but who exhibits those alpha-male characteristics.

Alpha males are highly desirable by all females for these characteristics, and may seem like jerks or assholes to everyone else, but it is the knowledge that they can get ass whenever they want it that leads to this attitude. By knowing it is always available to you makes you more attractive. This is the same reason it’s always easier to pick up chicks when you’ve got a girlfriend. It’s like walking a tightrope with a net, absolutely no fear of falling. If you can maintain this attitude all the time, even when you don’t have a girlfriend, you will instantly be more attractive to females. Achieving this attitude is a state of being desireless.

WHAT ABOUT WHEN SELECTING A MATE?

Many studies have shown that women prefer the more dependable, stable nice guy when they finally decide to settle down. So they spend their tight, toned youth fucking the jocks and settle down with the geeks.

While seeking financial security is still biological in nature, it introduces some pragmatism on the woman's part. We live in an abstract society, and they will need to be provided for in terms of financial security, as opposed to physical security. This is the one of the reasons women search out men with money.

One cannot ignore the sociological underpinnings of why a women would seek a man that has money or is highly desirable to other women. It has to do with status. The more choices a man has in terms of women, the more desirable he becomes. And if she can land the guy with the most options, then she must be the most desirable female.

While this may lack profundity, let’s take a closer look. An average looking girl can get laid just about anytime that she wants. A man on the other hand, must woo women and hope to “get lucky.” Women are therefore the gate-keepers.

This is also the reason for that age-old double-standard for promiscuity of the sexes. Men are lauded for their sexual prowess, while women are demonized as sluts or whores. Men do not have to exhibit restraint and must always be ready when the opportunity is bestowed upon them. Because of constant male-readiness, women must be the ones that practice restraint, as it is always available to them.

Now you can begin to see why women would want the guy that they can’t sleep with necessarily. If they feel a guy is choosy, they want to show that they are worthy of being chosen. That’s why you need to make them understand that it’s a casting call and that it’s your couch
they’ll be doing it on…but only if decided that they’re right for the part.

Therefore, the lesson here is to always make women audition for you. You don't need to impress them, you know what you're bringing, make them prove their worthiness to you.

Understanding why women seek these things, one begins to see them not as shallow money grubbers or liking jerks, but as just acting instinctually. You shouldn't hate women, feel that they are illogical, or degrade them by calling them names, you just need to understand that it is in their nature.

Armed with this knowledge, you can begin to understand why the qualities that they associate with the most desirable males isn't really money, looks or status. It is the accompanying traits that so often accompany these traits, that make those men more desirable. These traits, however, can be developed.

We will discuss here how to do this in future articles.

BIOLOGY WITH REGARDS TO MEN AND JEALOUSY

Just a side note - biology is also the reason that Men can get outrageously jealous.

How many times have you heard about how jealous men can get?

Some male mammals in nature will kill the offspring of another male in order to ensure that their genes are the ones to prevail.

With humans, as men do not carry the baby and therefore cannot be 100% sure if they are the father or not, men are naturally inclined to be more jealous with regards to sex biologically speaking.

Women will get jealous over infidelity, as well, as they need to be sure that they will be “provided for,” and cannot have the male running off with a more biologically fit specimen leaving them to fend for themselves and their child.

However, the severity of the female transgression is much greater. A man can have sex with many, many women and still provide for his wife and kids. A woman who has had another man’s child cannot have it both ways. Both have great emotional impact and are very damaging psychologically, but a woman’s now introduces a new life and the accompanying life-long issues.

Another side note - you should never get jealous in front of your girl. It is the result of a lack of confidence on your part in yourself, and women see straight through to this lack of self esteem. Needless to say, it is one of the most unattractive things for a woman to see in a man.

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Honesty - The New Game

Everybody talks about Game, as it relates to the power struggle between men and women. For men, Game generally means how good a man is at bedding women, lot’s of them, of varying caliber and with a modicum of commitment.

Game, for women, means something entirely different. That it is easier for women to obtain sex is an undeniable evolutionary fact. Physical abnormalities notwithstanding, any woman can walk outside her door and have ten men lining up to service her, if that were her desire. But it’s not. Well, it is, if they were being truthful, but not in the sense of Gamesmanship.

Whereas for men the game begins and ends with sex, for women the game begins and ends with money, or, to be more precise, security. To what extent can a woman use the undeniable lure of her femininity to extract what she can out of a man’s wallet? Examples of this are everywhere. Envied are the women with the biggest engagement rings, the ones who are lavished with gifts and expensive handbags, foreign cars and large divorce settlements. On a more micro level, it is usually the pretty girl who is plied with free drinks at the bar that is seen as the de facto leader in her gaggle of vixens, all carefully studying her technique, marveling at the attention and affection paid to her, wondering how they can duplicate it.

Similarly, it is those that play Favreau’s Mikey to Vaughn’s Trent that sit in awe and admiration of the lothario’s ways with women that the movie Swingers so memorably captured.

Remember, though, there is nothing wrong with either of these phenomenon. Men, for their part, are hardwired to bed multiple women; whereas women are biologically drawn to things that represent stability, security and stature.

Where does it all go wrong, then? How has the swap meet of love and romance turned into the meat market of lust and infidelity? What scourges our society today that has perverted this once elegant courting ritual—where the goods and services traded are God’s will—into the sex-for-love, love-for-sex acrimony that is 21st century romance?

The big delusion pervading society today is that Game, as it understood by most, involves chicanery. Whereas Gable, Grant and Bogart understood the Art of Seduction as an exercise in salesmanship, confidence and self-mastery, today’s “Players” equate Seduction with Deception.

The reality is that honesty is, and always has been, the greatest Game of all, earning all of its students as many women and/or doting suitors as their devotion to the Game allowed.

Sadly, today that art is lost. Our heroes are sly charmers who cheat and get away with it; likewise for female man-eaters that use men like Kleenex and make off with a fat settlement.

The counterintuitive truth is that honesty, though seldom employed in today’s fuck-me-now-call-me-later society, is the most effective tool in a bachelor/bachelorette’s arsenal. If a player wants to take his game from Level 3 Lothario to Level 5 Gentleman, he must embrace the notion of emotional truth and a commitment to 100% honesty and full disclosure.

Level 3 players experience success with women and are often the envy of other men. Thing is, they often rely on primitive and self-devaluing tools like dishonesty, duplicity and, worse of all, dissembling. They wear masks, cheat on their girlfriends, pretend to be someone they’re not—all in the hopes of winning the prize they see as the woman.

Two pathologies are at work here. One, prizability. Any man who sees women as the prize they are trying to obtain is doing a disservice both to himself and the women they’re pursuing. If we operate under the premise that attraction is something that is created, not arbitrary, which is in fact the case, then denying the object of your affection the intense charge of feeling attraction for you, by prizing her, is selfish. Most Level 3 players operate under this weak mindset.

Level 5 players, alternatively, view themselves as the prize. To them, honesty with oneself, above all else, is most important. Consequently, they apply this maxim in their relationships with women as well. Are you able to get women in bed after admitting to them you don’t plan to call them in the morning? That’s Level 5 Player status. I once had a woman convinced it was her job to get better at sex so that I would stick around. And she loved me for it!

The common belief among men, Level 3 Players and below, which comprises most men out there, is that we have to lie our way into a woman’s pants. That because women generally want a commitment or some promise of security before they will sleep with you, you have to comply. There is a fundamental flaw in this logic. First that women are less horny than men and that they don’t need sex as much as we do; and second that we are automatically dismissed as potential paramours if we aren’t willing to jump through the assigned hoops or lie through our teeth in order to tell her what she wants to hear and get what we want.

Emotional honesty begins within. If you can’t be honest about who you are to yourself, you have no business in bed with anyone else, much less a relationship. When you get to that level, you will realize there is far more power, to say nothing of results, in being honest with women. Similarly for women. An authentic voice and personality can compensate for a lot in the looks department.

Well, not a lot, but you get the idea.

-al

Additional Exercises to Achieve Your Goals

We have looked at the first two pillars; the Mental and Intellectual pillars. Additionally, we have begun to discipline ourselves with some initial exercises. Our first exercise was to clearly state our goals in order to provide us with direction, and secondly by letting ourselves not be ruled by emotion.

Now in order to continue, we must begin to provide additional framework for you to fully realize your potential.

What You Can Conceive, You Can Achieve

By writing your goals down, you’ve dared to dream them. This is an important first step in realizing these goals. You have conceived them, thus making them real. Now you can achieve them.

Goals, when unstated, or worse not written down, never become real. They remain nebulous and you are often able to diffuse responsibility. By writing them down you have unlocked your blind eye, never to be closed again.

Let’s say the goal you have written down is to run a marathon. Write it down. Refer to it often. Let it become a personal mantra. Envision it. You have now committed to your goal.

You Are Not a Victim

By having stated these goals, you may not have realized it, but you have now become responsible to yourself to achieve them. You and you alone, are responsible to yourself for achieving these goals. You must have the right frame-set and embrace personal responsibility.

There isn’t anything or anyone that will stop you, except you. If you want to achieve the right frame of mind and reach your goals, you must take responsibility for your mindset, your body, your development and your life.

Embracing personal responsibility is scary, as doing so leaves no one to blame but yourself. But it is also very empowering. When you realize your responsibility to yourself and take control of your own destiny, you will feel free. No longer will you feel powerless, or subject to others. Instead you will feel accountable to yourself, and rather than feeling lucky when something happens to you, you will feel deserving. You will know that you created your own luck, your own good fortune. Luck is when preparation meets opportunity. By having the right frame of mind, and preparing yourself, you will find success.

If you’re overweight, it’s because you don’t work out enough and/or you don’t eat right. Either way, you are neglecting you and your body. You have no one to blame but yourself. Blaming your work, your spouse, or your friends is useless, the exercise and the dieting still need to be done. You’re blaming them, because you don’t want to do the work that is necessary. That is why you must -

Pay Yourself First

The first way you can take responsibility is to make sure to make time for yourself. Often the first thing business owners are taught is to pay themselves. It’s easy to neglect yourself, and not take home any pay. But if you’re working hard and other people are the only ones benefiting, then you don’t have a business, you have a charity.

This same concept should apply to you and your development. Put yourself first. What could be more important than your development? By putting you and your development first, you will be a better everything to everyone around you. If you’re healthier and live longer, you are a better son, daughter, spouse, father, mother, boss, and employee. By putting you and your development first, you will be healthier mentally, intellectually, physically and spiritually. Again, these will help you to live the right way, which in turn will make you a better person with healthier relationships.

Exercises

Exercise 3 is to write down the plans to execute your goals. Now that you have conceived your goals, and written them down, now is the time to clearly lay out the plan to achieve these aims.

If you want to scale Everest, you don’t jump on the next plane to Nepal. You’re going to have to research the task (intellectual preparation that will help you prepare the path), so that you can determine how to prepare yourself physically, mentally and spiritually to achieve your goal.

This may sound like common sense, but studies have shown that you will be 10 times more likely to achieve your goals if you write them down. And you will be far more likely if you show yourself how you’re going to do it. And then if you record your progress, you are even more likely to achieve success. As I said before, write everything down. Think of it as a Progress or Development Journal.

Exercise 4 actually goes along with Exercise #3. Make a schedule, making sure to pay yourself first. Schedule the times that you will be dedicating to your development. By setting this time aside for yourself, you will make sure to keep your appointment to yourself.

For instance, if your stated goal is to run the New York Marathon, you will need to train. Make time for yourself by scheduling your runs. First, you might schedule runs for Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Tuesday from 7am to 8am before work, will be a medium range interval run. Thursday 7am to 8am before work, will be a speed development run. Your Saturdays can be reserved for your long runs, beginning at 8am until 10am, because you have more time available on the weekends.

This doesn’t have to be war and peace. You have a basic aim, a basic plan and a schedule, however, you will need to flesh out your plan.

So here’s a sample so you can see how easy it really is –

Tue 7-8am – Interval Training – 800 meter intervals (Goal of 800 meters at 8:30 min mile pace, 800 meters at 10 min mile pace for 6 miles) – Weekly improvement of 5-10 secs

Thu 7-8am – Speed Workout – 100 meters at peak speed, 200 meters at 5% off peak, 400 meters at 10% off peak – Weekly improvement of 5-10% each week

Sat 8-10am – Distance Workout – Lengthen runs by 10-15% weekly

Or maybe you want to lose some weight…make a plan.

6 days on, 1 day off. Schedule 6 days of work for yourself, one day of cheating to reward yourself. You will find that cheating will actually help you to lose weight. This is due to the body’s ability to adapt.

6 foot, 180 pounds
1800 calories
180 grams of protein per day
Less than 150 grams of carbs per day
Less than 60 grams of fat per day
No carbs after 6pm
8 glasses of water daily
5 servings of fruit and vegetables daily
No diet soda
No more than 2 alcoholic beverages a week (even if fits within daily caloric intake)

It would even make sense at this point to schedule your meals for the week. This will keep you out of starvation mode where you reach for anything in order to satisfy your hunger, like when you go to the supermarket while hungry.

In both cases, you should be documenting how you are doing with your schedule. This will show you how often you’ve committed, as well as chronicle your progress. Realizing that you are progressing will be doubly motivating as well

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